My souls await for me


I’m about to cry when I watch this video:

I don’t know Japanest.com had subbed this song with my translation… It was finished about 4 years ago but I didn’t know because at that time, I rarely visit to Japanest, I concentrated on reading books at that time. Then one week ago, by accidentally, my friend shared with me this link but I didn’t have time to watch it. I have just watched it and it knocked my heart at the very beginning when I saw my name on it… I thought it was made with someone else’s translation. But, oh no, it was made with my translation…

I translated this song from English. At that time, I had just learnt Japanese for 2 or 3 months. Therefore, now when I watch this video, I realize that I translated wrong a little bit at some sentences… And I feel hate myself a little bit in the way I used the word “Cái” too much. “Cái” has the strong pronounciation, so it makes the sentences that contain it have a heavy tone, not soft… I don’t like it at all. Now, I want to change it into “điều”. “Có cái gì đó đang dâng trào” becomes “Có điều gì đó đang dâng trào”. It’s softer.

This melody, this voice still touches my heart.

Suddenly, I remember my youth, I remember those days, “days of being wild” (Omg! I want to watch Days of being wild so much but now I still haven’t watched it yet). At that time, I was just a new student who started to study in university – whole new enviroment to study, a whole new world. I had so many surprises and then so many depressions… But now, when I look back to that time, it’s the most wonderful time not for now, but forever, for my whole life. Because at that time, I have so much free time for reading, watching, researching… I found out so many interesting things at that time. I tried to experiment whatever I thought in my mind. Of course, I had so many failures but some of them became the most beautiful memories to me. I miss so much that time. I miss so much how much time I spent on watching films, reading books. That time was the “Belle Époque” to me. I’m regret that I didn’t burn out of all my energy, my imagination to do the craziest thing at that time. I’m regret that I didn’t exploit that time better for reading, watching. It was the time for books, for films, for art. I love art so much. I always want to spend more time, more time on whatever belongs to art. Book, film, music, painting… all of them fill my life, make me can survive and in some certain moments make me feel as if I still could live in this life. If someday art in whatever kind didn’t exist anymore, I couldn’t bear for living. It’s so boring to live without art, without story, without imagination, without beautiful thing. I watched Sweet Rain in my most beautiful days… I want to went back to those days so much. If I could, I wanted to watch all of films by Stanley Kubrick, Ingmar Bergman, Jean Luc-Gordard, Federico Fellini, David Lynch, Palme d’Or winner films, Oscar winner films … so many films that I want to watch but I haven’t watched yet; and I wanted to read all of works by Dostoevsky, the great writers from 18th to 20, 21st century or the writers who won Nobel prize, the great philosophers… I wanted to do so many things at that time but I couldn’t… then abruptly, I finished 4 years studying in university while there were so many things I wanted to explore, enjoy and I knew that if I went to work, I wouldn’t have enough time for them… And in fact, it happened like what I predicted. It hurts me so much now because I’m lack of knowledge, culture background… while I want to write and create new thing so much. I know clearly that if I want to create new thing, it’s apparent to understand the history, the works that the great people had worked… Therefore, I always find myself hestitate to start my new projects because I still haven’t absorbed enough essential knowledge to do what I want to do. Those kind of thing have killed me everyday, everyday from inside. I want to write and create some thing new so much, so much, so much. I desire to write. I’m longing for writing. My only hope now is I can start my new project as soon as possible. But I have to be so patient, I need to prepare so much knowledge, details before starting it. I have to wait for my ability reaching to the expectation that I want for my story. From this day until the day I can write that story, there’s still a long journey, long time, so much thing to do, to prepare. Tonight, I have a wonderful feeling, an enormous energy flowing in my blood. I hope that I won’t give up. Oh no, I have to affirm strongly with myself that I won’t ever and ever give up that project, I will write it, finish it with the best I can.

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Thank to this clip for making me remember my student time.

Thank my friend for sharing it to me. Thank you so much and so much. You make me remember that you were always the one who read my film reviews and feedback for me your feeling. Your feedbacks give me inspiration to write film review. How happy I was when you said that you liked my reviews and specially, when you made radio online programs that having part for reading my review. You don’t know how much consolation they gave to me when I listened to someone reading what I wrote.

Thank sis Zey for subbing this music video with my translation. Thank sis for putting my name without capital the initial character, just “kodaki”. I don’t know why I like to see my name with simply none of capital like that. It makes me feel comfort. When I register in any forums, if it’s possible, I always put my name like that without capital even I can make capital for the intial. I don’t like it. I want my nickname in forum to submerge, submerge… Thank sis so much for the posts that sis wrote in Japanest, for all of films that sis had subbed.

Thank Japanest.com so much. The time I had with that beautiful forum belonged to my most rememberable time.
Thank those day…
Thank tonight. Tonight saved me.

At the end of the day, before I go to sleep, now I can say with myself that life is still beautiful somehow. And I remember the unforgottable feeling that “It’s a wonderful life” gave to me. I think right at now while I’m typing these words, finally somehow I can feel what George felt. Life still has many obstacles, hard time waiting for me ahead but hang in there, just hang in there, don’t give up, my works – my souls await for me.

Kodaki
1:55
16.12.2015

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