“I’m glad that you’re happy…”
When she thought that, she cried silently in her car. It’s the classical scene in melodrama. It’s not the first time I watch this kind of scene. But I don’t know why I cried so much. I haven’t cried like that for a long time. I cried out loud. I have to turn up volume so that no one can hear me. Most of the time, I just cried with tears, not cried out loud like this time. I cried so much that I felt bitter in my throat. I held my leg tightly, my face leaned on my knees, and I just cried like that, like a child… I cried so much in this episode… Poor my Yeo Jin, I adore her so much… I don’t know why I cried so much as if it were my pain, not her only pain. I really like Yeo Jin. It have been a long time that Korean drama has a really interesting main female character like her. Yeo Jin has a complex characteristic. She has so many conflicts in her mind. But these conflict points are so logical to the person living in that environment. Kim Tae Hee acted so well, so well that I can’t understand why people criticize her acting skill so much. She really does well this time. I nearly forget it’s Kim Tae Hee, I really think it’s Han Yeo Jin.
Tomorrow, I will watch the last episode. Somewhere in my heart, I feel sad. Finally, two months waiting and watching this drama will end soon, right after tomorrow… I really want to write a review for this drama. It provokes me to write a review. I just want to write my feeling so I can’t forget it. This woman… she is really a wonderful woman with her good points and even not-good points. She’s not like any Korean female character that I know. She’s wonderful but she makes me feel so real, I can feel that some woman like her can exist in real life. The way she lives, the way she loves, the way she hates, the way she thinks, the way she resolves her problem… everything belongs to her makes me can’t breathe. I feel so real. I feel so real. Therefore, I cried like a child nearly half of an hour. I had to pause film so that I could cry comfortly. Just one more episode and I have to say goodbye to this woman, this drama, this atmosphere…
I wanted to hide this thing. The thing that I’m watching Yong Pal. Because I feel shameful… But today, it makes me not want to hide it anymore. After all, I’m just a weak person, a person who sometimes want to watch an entertaining drama/movie to relax. I’m just a normal person… I’m not strong to always watch art house films and read great novels… I hate myself because of that. I hate myself because of that. I couldn’t control my weakness. But if it’s wrong then what is right? I really don’t know what is right. I’m a person who don’t have the constant point of view. One day, I can watch art house film. Another day, I can watch entertaining film just to relax, no one forces me to do it, I willingly do it myself. One day, I can read classic or great, experimental works. Another day, I can read just a love-story book. I really hate myself like that. Even though most of the time, I always think it makes my life more fullly, more colorful but I still really hate myself like that. If I could control myself better, I really wanted to make me just enjoy watching art house films and reading great works.
But… I really have no regret about knowing Yeo Jin. And if I decided not to watch this kind of film, I didn’t meet her. But if I didn’t spend time watching this drama, maybe I also could meet someone interesting in another art house film, or great novel… Maybe it’s pratiya (if I remember its name exactly)… pratiya to have a chance to meet an artwork. But… but I love this woman horribly. Well, I have to stop starting a sentence with “but”. It should be “of course”. Of course, what will be will be. If I can’t control myself, if I lose myself, of course, it’s not anyone else’s fault. Of course, it’s my own fault.