Two days ago, I started to listen to One day I’ll fly away by Nicole again. And yesterday, I listened to Come what may so many times.
That’s somehow like my ceremony for Nicole’s birthday.
Until now, I really don’t understand why I have loved Moulin Rouge that much. There’re so many good films with the same subject. Love, art, freedom, belief… are always familiar subjects. There’re also many other good musical films. I love The sound of music, West side story… but to me, Moulin Rouge is somehow more special. Always. Whenever I’m in gloomy condition, listening One day I’ll fly away always makes me feel more sorrow. Word by word. Ex: “follow the night”, “can’t stand the light”, “to live again” & specially the question: “Why live life from dream to dream and dread the day when dreaming ends?” It’s exactly what I always have thought about my life. Just absorbed in dreams, thoughts, fantasy, illusions, memories, past… and didn’t do anything to escape it, to live better in present. Hope. Depressed. Hope. Depressed. And hope again. One day I’ll fly away & Moulin Rouge remind me of those negative feeling. But I don’t know how when the first negative thought appears, there’re always positive thoughts appear next. I started to think how to live life without feeling as if I was dreading the day when dreaming ends, how to follow the night without fear, how to love the night and live in it fully with this solitude, how to love the light, how to stand it.
In fact, Moulin Rouge talks about love and just mentions about solitude little bit. But I don’t know why I think about Moulin Rouge, I always think about solitude as if this film’s main theme was really about solitude. I remember the scene Satine sings alone in her dark room and look the opposite tower with “L’amour” word. Her shadow in the dark is so lonely. The scene Christian writes alone with darkness, tears, his anger & grief. Maybe, love is sometime synonymous with alone. Therefore, in the film which is full of love, it’s also full of loneliness.
I have watched Moulin Rouge five times. It’s the largest number of watching the same movie to me. I rarely watch again one movie eventhough I love it so much. The reason is so simple: there’s so many good films, good books that I haven’t still enjoyed yet, I shoud spend time for them, for what I haven’t known. When I decided to watch old movie or read old book again, it means that I was in such deep blue. I’m sad too much to expect anything new. That’s the time I decided to believe in what I had enjoyed, what I have loved. Moulin Rouge is that one. I rewatch it whenever I’m in deep deep blue. I watch it to belive in love & life, & even… art, yes, art again. The last words Satine said to Christian’s really meaningful to me: “Keep living, Christian. You have to go on. Tell our story, Christian. Promise me. Yes? Promise me. That’s the way I’ll always be with you.” Whenever I watched this scene, I had always hoped someone also love me like that. Love me and believe me and encourage me, someone who trust me totally to expect that I can write about one and make one live again. I also want to have someone to love like that. In other words, I want to be both Christian and Satine at the same time. The one receives inspiration, the one gives inspiration at the same time. If I could be two of them at the same time, I would establish my own give-receive system immediately; then, I wouldn’t feel alone anymore, I could be the one who gives inspiration for the receiver who is my own self. Sounds like a bit autism song… Maybe, the reason I like Moulin Rouge is that it can intrigue my bisexuality. I can understand Christian and Satine’s opinion. I want to be the passive and also want to be the active. So conflict. Actually, I don’t know clearly the reason why I love Moulin Rouge that much. I love its background. So many people said that its background made Moulin Rouge look like a stage more than a real film. Baz Luhrmann didn’t deny it. It was his own choice. I love that unreal feeling, that unnatural theme, its artificiality. It made the special atmosphere. It’s like life is just a dream, a stage, a game where we join in without consciousness. It’s smaller & bigger than we imagine, and of course, there’s always something unnatural, something weird that we have to explore. In The Great Gatsby, I realize that Baz also wanted to make this kind of feeling because of similiar background, color in comparison with Moulin Rouge. I think it’s the approriate choice because the social where Gatsby live in was full of lies, artificialities, vanity… But to me, he didn’t succeed in establish atmosphere like Moulin Rouge. Eventhough I also like The Great Gatsby, it’s not the film I really love and I disappointed at Baz a little bit.
In summary, Moulin Rouge is the film made me believe in love (not only love between about two people but also general love, love for art, love for beauty etc…) whenever I got lost, be bored and didn’t know what to do. And I believe that if it had been not for Nicole, I wouldn’t have loved Moulin Rouge, love Satine and their love that much. Because it was for Nicole, everything was beautiful just like Christian sang: “How wonderful life is, now you’re in the world.” Thank God. Thank Baz for having chosen her. Moulin Rouge is the first movie of Nicole that I have seen. And I love her at the… second sight. Not at the first sight because of her first scene in Satine made me feel annoyed somehow. She was exaggerated, so unnatural. But in the second sight, I love her immediately when I knew that she did it because it was her job, she hadn’t had another choice, she loved art, she wanted to be the real actress, “the real actress” – her eyes was so deep deep blue & craving for that… but she got disease. And the tragedy-comedy melody began lovely and cruelly at the same time.
So, I have loved Nicole since I first watched Moulin Rouge until now. 7 years passed. Time flew so fast. After Moulin Rouge, I also really love The Others, The Hour, Eyes Wide Shut, Dogville, The Paperboy (eventhough it has a slow rate, it’s really another great movie to me) etc… I want to write more about Dogville, its creativeness, Nicole’s role in its. Dogville is an excellent film to me. But since few minutes left, then I have to end here.
Happy birthday, my dear Nicole.
Hope you have a new wonderful age. Hope you have more great role. Hope I can watch and like so many many of your new great movies.
Thank you so much for being such a wonderful actress.